( patriotic music playing )
Hello, I'm Greg Gumbel.
In 1779, George Washington was preparing for the Battle of Brandywine
and as his army awaited the approach of dawn,
in order to stave off cold and fatigue,
General Washington had a cup of coffee.
When asked if he wanted cream in his coffee,
Washington simply replied,
"No thanks, I'll just have it black."
For Black History Month Minute, I'm Greg Gumbel.
Announcer: From New York City,
it's "The Chris Rock Show."
Tonight, actor John Amos.
Musical guest, Cake.
Plus musical director, Grandmaster Flash.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock!
All right!
Calm down.
All right, all right.
What happened this week?
Mark Furman is busy doing publicity for his new book,
okay, about the O.J. Simpson case.
Now, originally, the book was 400 pages,
but he took out the word "nigger," now it's only four.
( laughter, applause )
Tyra Banks is on the cover of "Sports lllustrated Swimsuit Edition."
A black woman on the cover of "Sports lllustrated."
What's next?
Jenny McCarthy on the cover of "Black Tail"?
Now, why would I pay six dollars to see Tyra Banks
almost naked, in "Sports lllustrated"
when I can see her in the Victoria Secret catalog for free?
( laughter and applause )
This week Michael Jackson paid tribute to Liz Taylor
at her 65th birthday bash.
He said, "l hope to be everything that she is some day."
A old white lady.
( laughter )
Mia Farrow's got a new book out.
A new book out where she's talking about Woody Allen,
her relationship with Woody.
And in the book she said, "Early on, all I wanted for Woody to do
was love my children, just love my children."
See, that's all.
Just can't make ya'll woman happy at all.
Soon as he fell in love with one, now she mad.
This week, the New Jersey Nets
and the Dallas Mavericks made
a nine-player deal this week, nine-player deal.
Now, these are two of the worst teams in all of basketball.
So I don't know how the trade can help either team, really.
I mean, that's like trading the cast from "Malcolm & Eddie"
for the cast of "Homeboys in Outer Space."
( laughter and applause )
Also, this week it was announced
that Ellen will come out of the closet during Sweeps
and reveal that she is a lesbian.
Now you know, if Ellen really wanted to shock America,
you know what she'd do?
She would reveal that she's straight.
( applause )
This week a former congressman, Mel Reynolds--
remember him, arrested with the girl?
Went on a hunger strike to protest prison overcrowding.
He told reporters, "I'm being treated like an animal
instead of what I am,
a man who fucks underage campaign workers."
( applause )
Also this week, Louis Farrakhan shocked everyone
by reaching out to the Jewish community.
Hey, take a look at this clip.
So, I implore you, my brothers: seek the wisdom
of Seinfeld and Kramer for they speak the truth.
But do not be led astray by "The Nanny."
That yenta is nothing but trouble.
That voice, oy vey!
But if you want to gain entrance to heaven,
you must run, not walk,
to see Jackie Mason in "The World According to Me."
You'll laugh 'til you plotz,
or my name ain't Lou Farrakhan.
Now let us share in a lean corned beef sandwich,
one of those really big ones.
( laughter, applause )
Now, I want everybody to say what's up to my man,
Grandmaster Flash.
( scratches record )
( hip hop music plays )
This is a great show tonight.
We've got a brand new band called Cake,
and my very special guest, Mr. John Amos.
( applause and hooting )
It has been insane here all day.
Look at what just happened. Just look at this.
We want John! We want John!
( applause and cheering )
( audience laughter )
Now, economists say that every year,
$400 billion is spent in the black community.
But it doesn't seem like it's staying in the community.
So I wanted to find out where it's going.
So using the latest technology, I tracked down
a five-dollar bill through Harlem.
Let's see what happens.
Now, what we have here is a genuine five-dollar bill.
Now using special technology,
we will follow this bill wherever it goes.
( hip-hop music plays )
And so, the bill was in the community and on its way.
So it went through the fake leopard hat guy,
to the fake Tommy Hilfiger guy,
to guess who, the fake Rolex guy,
to the bootleg tape guy.
Hey, "Speed 2"'s not even out yet.
And back to the fake hat guy.
And then, the fake hat guy ran into a little trouble.
The cop started to go here,
but realized way too many comedians have done that joke.
So he bought one of these.
Bean pies, get some bean pies.
Rock: Bean pies!
This guy apparently got his coat from the fake fur guy.
After eating his bean pie, he went straight to church.
( organ music plays )
Damn, how many collection plates y'all got?
Now you know the preacher's got to get his cut.
I'm sure he's taking that money to feed some hungry children.
( dance music plays )
Rock: And right now, he's feeding her ass.
The stripper, on her way to college, bumps into a crack-head
and buys a stereo, a TV, a VCR,
brand new computer with mouse and mouse pad,
all for five dollars. Oh, I love crack.
The crack-head went straight to the crack dealer,
passed him, straight into an investment banker
where he proceeded to buy five dollars worth of stock.
The banker said, "You must be a damn fool,"
but took his five dollars anyway.
Upset that there was an actual crack-head in his office,
the man shut down his operation and proceeded
to flee the community.
There he goes with the five dollars.
Man, we could have done a lot with that five.
A lottery ticket-- oh, yes, yes, get the money!
- Here, here. - Say what?
- That's all you got? - Yeah.
What's that? What's that green dot?
Huh?
Rock: Yes, yes, we got it back!
Yeah, we got the five dollar back! We got it!
It's back in the community. Show me the money!
Show me the money, show me the money.
Show me the money.
Yeah, we got the money!
( cheers, applause )
I guess we're never gonna know what happened to that five dollars,
- Right, Flash? - Right.
America fell in love with my first guest
when he starred as James Evans on the hit series "Good Times."
( applause and cheering )
He's gone on to star in films like "Die Hard 2,"
Let's do it again, "Coming to America,"
and this week he'll be presenting a Screen Actor's Guild award tomorrow.
Please welcome John Amos.
( applause and cheering )
Wow.
It's been like this all day.
I just wanna say, welcome to the show.
Now, I understand you're originally from the east coast.
Still am.
( applause and cheering )
All right.
I know you just flew in from L.A. just to do this show,
so I'm really appreciate it. Now, how was your flight?
Actually Chris, it was kind of bumpy, you know--
Man: All right.
When we finally landed, I'd never been so glad
to see Newark in my life.
( applause and cheering )
So, you and your family still live in New Jersey?
Yeah, born and raised in New Jersey.
( applause and cheering )
Well, you just got married, didn't ya'?
Yeah, about three months ago.
As I mentioned in your intro,
most people saw you first in "Good Times."
Now, I love "Good Times" so much,
I brought my own clip.
( applause and cheering )
Which episode did you bring?
I brought an episode
where you had a hard time finding a job.
That could be any episode.
Let's take a look at this.
What's the problem, Thelma?
Well, Daddy, J.J. and I are going to be graduating from high school this year,
but we don't know what to head for.
I don't know whether to study to become a teacher, or a nurse,
or maybe a professional dancer. What do you think, Daddy?
I can tell you right from the jump,
that dancing sounds like a long shot to me.
You gonna need something solid to fall back on.
Now, nursing or teaching sounds good,
but, Thelma, you got the brains to go on and be a doctor.
- Oh, thank you, Daddy. - Mm-hmm.
I was confused, but I knew you'd straighten me out.
- No problem, baby girl. - ( applause and cheering )
Oh, man, it still holds up.
I mean, that was brilliant.
Well, thanks, Chris.
Well, you know, that was 20 years ago.
These days, I consider myself a more serious actor.
( cheers from audience )
Consider yourself? You are a more serious actor.
I mean, "Roots," "Die Hard 2," "Coming to America."
( cheers )
And also on February 28th through March 1st,
you're gonna be doing a one-man show called
"Halley's Comet" in Las Vegas
at the cultural center, I understand.
( applause and cheering )
Now, I always thought you were a bit--
I always thought you were underused as an actor.
I mean, it's obvious that women are very attracted to you.
( applause and cheering )
One of my favorite-- it just seemed like
you should have been in more romantic roles.
One of my favorite movies was "Harry Met Sally."
And I always thought you would've been perfect for the Harry part.
( applause )
You would've been perfect.
Well, I don't know.
Do you want him? Do you want him?
( applause and cheering )
( chanting ) John, John, John, John, John--
Really? You want me to read this?
Please, could you read this for us?
I'd be glad to read it for you.
I love how you get cold when it's 71 degrees out.
I love that it takes you an hour and a half
to order a sandwich.
I love that you get a little crinkle right there,
when you're looking at me like I'm nuts.
I love that after I spend the day with you,
I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
And I love that you're the last person I want to talk to
before I go to sleep at night.
And it's not because I'm lonely,
and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.
I came here tonight because when you realize
you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody--
( laughter )
( women screaming )
We're going to have to get this right now.
But in the meantime, I want everybody
to take a look at this, please, please.
Hello, I'm Eartha Kitt.
In 1974, the American Broadcasting Company
began production of a movie that defined terror for a generation.
And because it had three short parts,
It came to be known as "Trilogy of Terror,"
each part, telling the story of a different woman
terrorized by things that go bump in the night.
Amazingly, all three of these women were played by one actress.
Her name was Karen Black.
For Black History Month Minute, I'm Eartha Kitt.
( applause and cheering )
The Oscars were recently announced,
and this year there were two black nominees.
Last year there was only one, so that's 100% increase.
Now, here to discuss their feelings about this year's nominations
are live from the Chris Rock Studios in Hollywood,
are my film correspondents, who also write
for B.E.T., "Jet Magazine," and "Blacktress,"
are Donnie Savoy and Richie Banks.
( applause, cheering )
Chris, salaam alaikum.
So guys, let's talk about this year's Oscar nominations.
This year, for best picture you had "The English Patient,"
"Shine," "Secrets and Lies," "Fargo," "Jerry Maguire."
What did you like?
Yeah, Chris, those were all good movies,
But how dare they pick "Jerry Maguire" over "Kazaam"?
Excuse me, did you just say "Kazaam" over "Jerry Maguire"?
Yeah, yeah, Chris.
Chris, I picked it because it was positive, okay?
It was great seeing a positive black genie,
not selling drugs.
- Positive? - Richie: Yes.
First of all, "Kazaam" was a movie
about the biggest brother on the planet
being a slave to a little white boy.
And second of all, the brother came out of a radio.
What kind of racist shit is that?
Why didn't they just make him come out of colt.45?
( applause, cheering )
What about "Fargo," did you like that?
Again, "Fargo" is not a bad little film.
But the Coen brothers cannot touch the Wayan brothers for genius, hardly.
Or for brothers.
There's way more Wayans than Coens.
Hell, there's more Ozzie brothers than Coen brothers.
I mean, though, that's besides the point.
There's just so many good black movies out this year.
We had "Fled," "The Rich Man's Wife," "Drop Squad," and again,
Both: "Kazaam."
Come on guys, you can't like everything just 'cause black people are in it.
Black people are in jail, you like that?
( laughter, cheering )
Well, you see Chris, you should understand
that it's important to support black films.
I mean, white people don't talk about Pauly Shore.
Yes, they do, all the time.
Shit, Pauly Shore,
gonna rent a movie and get a bad review.
Now, what's your pick for best picture?
All right Chris, the best movie of the year was "Solo"
- with Mario Van Peebles. - Yes, absolutely.
You picked "Solo" over "Jerry Maguire"?
It was a very positive movie.
It was good seeing a positive black robot not selling drugs,
being a role model in the community.
Come on guys, "Solo" over "Jerry Maguire"?
You picked it 'cause it was positive?
"Solo" was so bad they didn't even make bootlegs of it.
( laughter, applause )
Both: Which is a positive thing.
All right, who'd you choose for best actress?
Queen Latifah for "Set It Off."
Come on.
Yeah, yeah.
For the Oscar?
I mean, what was positive about Queen Latifah?
- She was a bank robber. - She was a positive bank robber,
trying to get fishnets for her lesbian lover.
You've gotta like that, you gotta like that.
- Yes. - Yes.
And if not her, our sleeper pick is Arnell Simpson
from the R. Kelly video "You Remind Me of My Jeep."
But wait a minute, wait a minute. That's not even a movie, that's a video.
You can't nominate a video just 'cause it's shot on film.
Okay, who did you pick for best actor?
All right, that fine comic actor
From "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate,"
Both: Bobby Brown.
I want to see you guys at the Oscar boycott.
Hey folks, I want you to watch this.
( applause and cheering )
Hello, I'm Stanley Crouch.
In 1901, Henry Ford made important use
of the assembly line.
His goal was to produce cars so efficiently that they would
be affordable to the Ford employees themselves.
In keeping with the methods of mass production,
every car had to be painted the very same color.
When asked what color he liked,
Ford is reported to have thought for a moment,
and then said,
"Make them all black."
For Black History Month Minute, I'm Stanley Crouch.
( applause and cheering )
Here to do a song called "The Distance" off their album
"Fashion Nugget," please welcome, Cake.
( applause )
( playing rock music )
( applause and cheering )
All right, all right.
Thanks a lot, thanks a lot.
That's our show for tonight, I'd like to thank my guests:
John Amos, Grandmaster Flash, and once again,
Cake! Give it up for Cake, y'all.
Thank you. All right.
( singing pop music )
( screaming )